My to-do list seems insurmountable. Just when I think I'm getting a handle on everything I find a list or remember a whole category of jobs.
And grief wearies me.
I'm thinking of a dear friend who's hurting so much right now. Another friend needs to come up with $40,000 to register her 2nd child in China (where their annual combined income is maybe a quarter of that). And petty family grievances on top of it all.
The watermelons are overtaken with weeds and producing no more fruit. The weed barriers in the garden walkways need to be dug up (from their THICK stand of weeds) and flipped over. Even the cowpeas are so infested with bugs I don't bother to pick them anymore. Everything I try to transplant dies despite 3x daily watering. I'm about to lose my entire herb garden if a good few days of rain doesn't come soon. My garage is plugged up with 2 broken lawn mowers and a broken weed wacker. Snakes are very much active (the farm girl had an extremely close run-in with a water moccasin a couple weeks ago in the middle of a public playground) so we had to buy a 3rd lawn mower because we couldn't risk the tall grass waiting for repairs to be made. We need a good load of compost added to the garden before fall planting but the trailer can't handle it. We have a welder friend working on it in his spare time but it likely won't be ready in time. 2 goats have worms that our dewormer isn't touching. Farmer Boy #1 has completely regressed in any potty-training ground we made. I think I've figured out why I'm still holding on to nearly every bit of baby weight though #3 is now 10 months old... but trying to eat as I need to requires so much time and preparation I'd rather just not eat.
And this feeling of being overwhelmed is completely debilitating. Taking a break doesn't help because I just goofed off all morning with my neighbor and I'm still staring at all my work with dread. I feel like I can't do anything right so why bother doing anything at all.
And this is why Jesus said to cast our burdens... does just dropping them work because I don't have the energy to throw anything?
And this is why He said to take up His yoke... He's not saying to do nothing, but rather do what He's asking of me, when He asks it of me and nothing more.
And this is why He says to think on whatever is good, noble, lovely and of good report and not dwell on the negative.
So... my asparagus beans are pumping. I get to blanch and freeze some soon or give them away if I don't want the work. The sheep are keeping the mowing needs down to every other week rather than every week for most areas. My kids all still take naps. My husband comes home every day saying, "How can I help?" I'm able to pray for my friends and my God is willing and able to provide for their every need, some through me but the rest through Himself and His Body. There have been no devastating storms. I can choose any day of the week to do laundry and know it will all get dried on the line. Our dog has kept all mischeivous vermin at bay and I sleep each night knowing our turkey poults are well guarded. Helen is rounding out well, her due date a bit over a month away. Neither of our pregnant goats have worms so I can use a different dewormer without fear of hurting a fetus. My children all love me and come to hug me when I'm crying. Farmer girl randomly stopped me in the garden this morning and asked if she could give me a hug... and I wasn't even crying. My little one is teething yet you wouldn't know it. Thanks to my neighbor and my mom I have an enormous stash of big boy pants for #2. And I have a neighbor who brews a fresh pot of coffee and treats me like a daughter. And her own daughter ran like mad catching a stray sheep yesterday when the tether broke while I was gone for a bit. We have AWESOME neighbors!
And now I'm going to take up His yoke. That means fold laundry, tidy the house, and get my brain decluttered. And that will probably require brain-numbing, digital entertainment for my kids and a friend's son who I'm watching later today, but praise God for Daniel Boone DVDs available at the local library.
Thanks for the talk. :->