Playing Catch Up

Oh my, does the world spin fast this time of year!  For those of you NOT in Florida, you may be enjoying hot cocoa and toasty fires.  But WE are enjoying beautiful balmy days, cool breezes, and fun outdoor festivals!  And so there has been much goings on, much to tell, much to revisit.

First of all, I must take a moment to let you know that I did actually win Homemaker of the Year!  I also won the "Baker of the Year" award because that best-in-show apple pie was rated best of all of the adult baked goods!  My husband had to pick my jaw up off the floor for me.  Twice.  I also learned that I lead the competition by about 200 points.  But lest that make it sound as though I'm bragging, I got all those points because... well... as I've never tried to hide... I can tend to go a bit overboard sometimes.  Yeah, as far as anyone could remember, no one had ever submitted 42 items.  Whoops.  Let me just cover my face and slink out the back.

Husbandman ran electric to that fancy shmancy new shed.  And we decided it was plenty big enough to milk the critters INSIDE!  I know, crazy huh?  Almost like we're gettin' all hoity toity or summin'.  In all seriousness, we did realize that there was plenty of room.  And being out of the winter wind is certainly more pleasant.  And it can rain and we stay dry.  We likely won't continue this in the summer.  It could be beastly hot in there in July, but for now, we love it.

We also slaughtered Shaun the Sheep two weeks ago.  I say we.  Actually, Husbandman shot him clean and quick.  We both struggled like mad to get him hung then I promptly left with the kids to go and pretend to be a normal middle class suburbanite music teacher while he did the dirty work.  We left Shaun on ice for a couple days then wrapped up roasts and ground a good amount for sausage.  We've had the sausage and it's quite good. Husbandman painstakingly cleaned and prepared the intestines for stuffed sausage, but in the end they kept splitting.  We wrapped up the bulk of it in 1 pound packages and called it a very late night.  I'm relieved to be done with the sheep.  I want to get back to doing better goat-specific minerals, but sheep are subject to copper toxicity.  And Shaun was starting to mount the goats.  After Helen's miscarriage earlier this year, I was really eager to see that enterprise wrapped up.  We tried. It wasn't a good fit for us.  Time to move on.

We've had success and tragedy on the rabbit front as well.  Mocha had another set of beautiful babies on November 9.  Nine were born.  She began to consume one, but the other eight remained very well.  Then we had rain one night a week later. The next morning she was in the nest box and I didn't see need to bother her so just checked on the one I expected to kindle and left for the day.  We came home in late afternoon and went out to do chores.  The girl child ran to me frantic about Mocha's babies.  I found the nest box drenched, 3 babies dead and the others cold and unmoving.  I brought the live ones inside and warmed them on a heating pad and a hair dryer.  I filled the nest box with hay for warmth.  Mocha had pulled so much fur for them she looks pretty sad herself.  Hair was everywhere before it rained.  Then it all just became a thick smotheringly heavy mat.  Husbandman fixed the leak in the roof of the hutch and we hoped the rest could survive.  One more was dead the next morning, but the remaining four appear to be doing ok.  We also decided to get rid of Cream.  She had another litter of babies.  Eight this time.  She didn't pull any fur and they all died off one by one over the next few days.  She's never raised a single baby to weaning.  Hoping it's just that she found our set-up (be it the kids, the dog, the buck down the line) objectionable we gave her back to the person we got her from.  Maybe she can get her to mother well.  As a full grown, good strong rabbit, I'd hate to see her life wasted.

We expect to be seeing a successful end to our first stint as foster parents in the coming days.  Mixed emotions come up.  Relief.  Concern.  Worry that my weaknesses hurt him more than helped him.  Frustration that even with that petunia staring me in the face I can still be so short tempered.  Realization that responding in love to him isn't just about him and me, but its also my best opportunity to model for my children who Jesus is... and how miserably I've failed at that.  But there's Jesus with my petunia telling me to move on and do better tomorrow.  That I will get this unconditional love thing.  That I will learn patience and kindness.  That I will learn to see his hurt as greater than my anger.

That I will learn to let Him work through me and stop expecting it all to come out of my own decrepit self.

Thank you, Lord, for not giving up on me even when I'm ready to just plain give up.

My Petunia Miracle

Its been a rough few weeks.  I'm unable to give details, but suffice to say parenting isn't for sissies.  I've been short on patience, shorter on grace and often ready with a double-barreled, fully-loaded tongue ready to fire my furious frustrations out at anyone who happens to step in my path.

And all I could think is that I just can't go on like this.  I can't.  I can't do it.  I can't parent this child.  I don't have a clue what to do and everything I do appears to be the wrong thing.  I'm tired.  I'm burned out and I'm ready to just give up.

Now change gears with me.

I'm in the running for an award at the county fair called "Homemaker of the Year."  There are 5 different categories that I must enter something in and points are awarded for each item, depending on their quality.  The contestant with the most points wins.  So, true to my competitive nature, I decide to max out every single category so I have as many opportunities for point accumulation as possible.  Four ornamental plants are permitted for entry so on my entry form (which was due at the end of August, but I submitted in July to be sure my place was secure) I listed petunias.  You must have a plant for 5 months or propagate it yourself to be eligible.  No worries.  I can have petunias from seed by October, right?

I submit my form and THEN check my seed stash.  I know, cart before the horse... story of my life.  I had NO petunia seeds.  So I look in every local seed source for petunias.  Nothing.

I didn't spend much time fretting over it.  I didn't have time.  It was now or nothing and the "nothing" was apparently chosen for me.  Oh well.  That's a few points I'll miss out on.  I don't exactly expect to win anyway.

This morning was a pretty bad morning.  Literally, it was pretty crappy if I may be so crass.  My husband was taking one for the team and allowing me time outside to myself while he wrangled the young-uns.  I began setting aside plants that I'd chosen for the fair: repotting, pruning, selecting, fertilizing, etc.  A few weeks ago I noticed a rogue plant growing among some lettuce.  I didn't pull it out because it didn't look like one of my common weeds.  And the kids help me plant seeds so to have a bok choy among the dill or a calendula among the mustard greens is really no rare thing.  I just let this plant grow and figured soon enough it would show its true colors.

Never did I expect those colors to be those of a deep purple petunia.

So this morning, when I was taking my frustrations out on my weeds, tears streaming down my face, I find this petunia.

Now, travel through time with me.  The last time I planted petunias would have been a year ago.  I recycle the dirt in my seed boxes, but it always gets mixed up, added to, turned around, shuffled here and there.  This dirt must have grown 15-20 different types of seedlings by now and has remained continuously warm and moist.  Petunias don't survive our summers.  Petunia seed should definitely not. Yet, NOW, 10 days before I submit all my entries, I have a blooming petunia.

And then my God, my precious, sweet, always loving, always understanding Father spoke so clearly.

What you thought you didn't have and couldn't find I have always provided for you. Trust me.

If I will look through the weeds, I'll find the seed of patience.  If I'll hold fast, I'll find ever-blooming love.  He doesn't wipe away the problems, He doesn't say it's going to be easy.  He says, "We do hard things.  Its who we are.  But you can do it.  I'm with you.  Now come on.  Let's go love a child."

A year ago, He knew I was going to need a petunia.  And not for the fair.  Right now I don't give two cents for the fair.  If I did, I'd be sewing, not recording this precious memory.  But if it weren't for the fair, I never would have paid much attention to my lack of petunias and the miracle this one is.  He knew, a year ago, that I'd need to know right now that He had traveled this road ahead of me.

And what a beautiful way to communicate it to me.  I do believe the petunia has become my favorite flower. The question is will I ever be able to look at one without crying?

I wonder what seeds He's storing for me this year.